I Will not Condemn You to a Life of Solitude
by Eclipse O. Esor
Summary: Lavi begins to reflect on his role of Bookman Jr. he also takes notice in a certain white Moyashi. Smut. You have been warned Yaoi.


**Author's Note: Okay, I know that I should be working on Hoping for Tomorrow, but this idea popped into my head and I could not get it out for the life of me! Now that I'm done I can move on with my life. I absolutely love Laven. I don't know which I love more Laven or Allen. AHH! The choices!**

**Summary: Inspired by Allen and Lavi's first meeting. Lavi beings to reflect on his decision to become Bookman and his relationship with a certain white haired Moyashi. Let it be know that this is smut! My first attempt at an actual smut so it may not be the best out there but I try. **

**Please review!**

**I DO NOT OWN D. GRAY-MAN**

_Only you would be naive enough to think that you're worthy of being Bookman's successor._

Those words had rung in Lavi's mind since the first time the old Panda had said them. He thought he could take up the name of Bookman. He'd lived forty-eight different aliases in the span of eighteen years. He'd seen countless of wars. Humanity had disappointed him forty-eight times. Now he was in his forty-ninth alias. Lavi. It wasn't the first time the old Panda had degraded him verbally so he did not understand why the words stuck with him so much. However this time around he felt different. It all began the day his Gramps told him that.

He was just going to give in a letter and meet this so called Destroyer of Time. Lavi did not expect much from him. He was after all just another human. Soon he would be nothing but ink on paper. It didn't matter anyway. Not to him and not to the forty-ninth. He opened the door and plastered on the fake smile that the forty-ninth was known for. The laid back teen who always was grinning. He chose that time to interrupt the white haired boy. He couldn't have been that old. probably a few years younger then him. Lavi took the moment to introduce himself.

"I'm Lavi," he told him.

That was the first time he came face to face with the white haired. Lavi noticed he had childish features. That was until he reached his eyes. He'd never seen anything like them. They were two perfect silver orbs. What puzzled Lavi more was that he couldn't get a proper read on them. He knew the boy was shocked. But. But there was something else. In the depth of those eyes there was something he could not read and as Bookman Jr. his curiosity was spiked all the more. Then the mysterious creature spoke.

"I'm Allen Walker,"

Every since that moment Lavi had made it his own personal job to discover the emotions that Allen's eyes held. After a time he was able to recognize them. Anxiety, sadness, courage, self sacrifice, and pain. Pain that did not belong on the face of a fifteen year old boy. What Lavi found most curious of all was that smile of the cursed white angel. Because that was another thing that Lavi discovered. Allen Walker was an an angel, pure, and cured all at the same time. He'd never met anyone that was so willing to save others. Allen cared more for the well being of others them himself.

Those were the fools that died first.

However, something was different about his smile. The majority of the fools like the cursed white angel had pure smiles. This one. His smile never reached his eyes; for he always closed them when smiling. When he did smile with his eyes open it never reached them completely. Lavi knew. Lavi had become an expert at reading those two silver books filled with so many emotions that even Bookman Jr. had problems keeping up.

Lavi did not understand his obsession with Allen. He did not understand the day he stood before Allen's blood spilled on the ground. He did not understand why he kept the ace of spades. He simply did not understand. Lavi did not understand very few things. One of those would be with his forty-eight alias, Deak.

_Deak walked casually towards the girl. It was his job to get to know her and perhaps more intimately to discover the hidden knowledge of her family._

_"Hello my name is Deak," he told her._

_Like that Deak was with Rika._

_"You lied to me," she told him once she found out who he really was._

_"If you know that then why are you still here?" he asked her. "Are you going to help me, or are you here to tell me you hate me?"_

_This human was just like the others so ready to turn against her fellow human._

_"I don't you, I hate Bookman," she said looking him in the eyes. "I won't help you,"_

_"Then why are you here?" he asked, might as well record this._

_"Because I thought you were different from all the others,"_

_"Bookman has no need for a heart," I told her._

_What a simple minded fool._

_"I will not help you, I will not condemn you to a life of solitude, one day, you'll understand,"_

Lavi did not know what that girl had meant. After all, what did she mean? He was already alone. The panda was just the panda. He'd thought she was just babbling that is until he saw Allen.

Lavi knew the moment he saw Allen in the ark again after he thought he'd died. He knew he loved him. The emotion that so man people threw around lightly. Lavi knew better. He needed Allen to the point of pain. To see his Allen hurt or crying. It broke his heart every time. To know the pain he's caused Allen. It killed him. Which was why he was here.

Allen, his Allen was being interrogated by the Church. He knew what that meant, he'd done countless of research on it. He pushed the door to Allen's room open but the white haired boy did not look up. His head was resting on his knees curled up on the corner of his bed.

"Allen,"

He looked up his expression hurt and confused. Lavi felt the familiar tug he'd began to associate as heart-ache.

"Lavi? What are you doing here?" Allen asked him.

Lavi walked over to him and sat down on his bed.

"I came to see you," Lavi replied.

Bookman has no use for a heart. Was that true? Did Lavi really believe that?

"Why?"

"Allen, I can't bare to see you like this,"

Lavi had not meant to saw that, but in that one moment he knew, he knew his gramps was right. Lavi did not deserve to be Bookman's successor. Lavi did have a need for a heart. The heart he was going to give to Allen, his own.

"Lavi, what are you saying, didn't I tell you not to say weird things?" Allen asked smiling, that fake smile again.

"Don't," Lavi told him moving closer to the boy who had opened his eyes and was holding an expression of indifference.

"Stop, Lavi,"

He knew. The boy knew. His eyes said everything. It was as if he was saying. If you do this now we'll never be able to let go. The boy was cursed. Lavi was not even Lavi. But, Lavi didn't care if the whole world was against Allen. He'd hold him, protect him, and Lavi would become Lavi for the sake of this one boy.

"I won't,"

And their lips met.

It was not gentle. It was not a confession. It was liberation.

He pried the boys lips open as they began a dance with there tongues. Their cloths had disappeared somewhere as Lavi pushed Allen down onto the bed his mouth attaching onto Allen's neck. His bite the flesh gently allowing his self to simple relish in the feel of the other's skin. Lavi moved downwards his tongue lightly flicking over a pink bud of flesh. Allen moaned raising his hips to meet Lavi's. The redhead's only response was to slowly circle his tongue around one while gently flicking the other.

"Lavi," Allen whimpered.

He loved every minute of the sweet torture. His body was on fire. And the look Lavi gave him when he pulled up to kiss him again. Allen had never been looked at like that before. Lavi was looking at him with so much adoration that it very nearly broke his heart.

He wanted Lavi to hurry, he didn't want Lavi to hurry. This person. This one person was taking everything that Allen believed in and destroying it in his two hands. The pain, everything. And in his two hands he was rebuilding it, constructing it to fit perfectly in his hand.

Allen gasped as Lavi slowly slide his tongue down Allen's chest to his stomach. He caressed Allen's slim hips. He nipped gently at his top hip causing Allen to whimper.

Lavi loved the noises that Allen was making. Like the voice of an angel. He dipped his tongue into Allen's navel anticipation for what was to come.

"Lavi,"

Allen almost sounded annoyed. But Lavi was too amused by the look of pleasure of the boy's face to care. He kissed the top of the boys penis, watching as his face as filled with ecstasy. Slowly he licked the slit his hand moving slowly up and down.

"Lavi!"

Allen was breathless. His heart was racing and every place that Lavi touched seemed to be burning. Slowly he felt Lavi take him into his mouth. Allen cried out his hips lifting slightly only to be stopped by Lavi's hands. Allen looked down at Lavi. His hair falling loosely framing his face. He had that look again only that it was stronger with a lust luring in the back. Allen placed his hand in Lavi's hair. The soft texture adding to the amount of pleasure he was feeling.

Lavi slowly pulled back up letting his teeth and tounge graze Allen. He moaned loudly attempting to buck his hips again.

"Lavi, I'm-

The boy couldn't even concentrate enough to form sentences. Lavi smirked and took Allen in to his mouth again sucking and twirling his tongue on the head.

Allen lost it. He came violently gasping out Lavi's name as he fell backwards his whole body shaking from his powerful orgasm. But Lavi wasn't done yet. Allen felt Lavi kiss him gently on the forehead.

"Last chance, Allen," Lavi whispered.

Hadn't he been the one to warn Lavi? Was Lavi now returning the favor. Allen smiled at Lavi. It was far to late to back out now. Allen loved Lavi, simple as that. Lavi had taken his word and destroyed it replacing it with a world with the redhead.

"It's already too late, Lavi,"

Lavi kissed him his fingers making their way down to Allen's entrance. Slowly he pushed one coated finger in moving it and watching Allen's face at the same time. He added the next as Allen shifted in discomfort.

Allen gasped as another finger was added. It wasn't necessarily painful. But it was uncomfortable. It felt strange yet slightly pleasing at the same time. Lavi pushed the fingers in deeper just barely running across something that made Allen push against him. Lavi pulled his fingers out gaining a disapproving sound from Allen. Lavi kissed him gently sitting against the head bored and pulling Allen on top of him.

"Go as slow as you need to," Lavi told him.

Allen nodded placing his hands on Lavi's shoulders. Slowly the boy began to push down. This time it was far more then uncomfortable. Allen gasped at the sudden pain that rippled up his spin.

"Easy," Lavi muttered through his teeth grabbing Allen's hips.

Allen forced himself all the way down shaking at the as pain assaulted him.

"Gods, Allen!" Lavi's head was thrown back against the head bored.

"Lavi," Allen gasped out.

There it was that brush against that spot again. Lavi slowly lifted Allen up and down. He bite his lip. Allen felt wonderful. He was his. Lavi finally had claimed the white angel. His Allen. Yuu could go fuck himself.

"Lavi," he took that as a sign to go faster he lifted his gaze to Allen.

His face was flushed eyes brimming with tears of pleasure. Those orbs of silver ablaze with passion. God Lavi would have come on the spot.

Allen pushed against Lavi's shoulder burring the red head in deeper then he already was. Allen cried out. Lavi smirked a little leaning forward to lick up Allen's tear. Together they repeated the motion sending them spiraling into a world of bliss.

"God Allen," Lavi whispered nipping his ear. "You're amazing,"

Allen felt his breath hitch at the comment. The way Lavi said it. Like he was worshiping a temple. Allen was forgetting everything. All that mattered was this moment. What mattered was Lavi. Allen wrapped his arms around Lavi as the redhead pushed him down again and again.

Lavi could feel Allen wrapping tighter around him and he hissed. Lavi kissed Allen's neck continuing to whisper his love into the boys ear.

"You're wonderful, beautiful, god Allen, you're my perfection,"

Allen had no idea how Lavi could say anything. But every word, every breath that Lavi let lose; it shot electricity into him. The pleasure increased. What was he looking for? That one word? Love. Allen felt new tears gather in his eyes. That's what it was. For the first time in his life Allen actually felt loved.

"Lavi," Allen pulled back slightly.

It was hard to look at the redhead straight when they were still moving. It was hard to think. It was as Lavi knew exactly how to make Allen lose control.

Their eyes met and Allen felt the words leave his lips.

"I love you," Lavi breathed out just before Allen could calming his lips in a gentle kiss.

This times the tears didn't stop. Allen cried freely.

Lavi continued to push into the boy feeling his release coming quicker then he'd like. He wanted this moment to last forever. Lavi pushed into Allen harder his arm pushing the boy down from his shoulder the other wrapped around his waist. Allen cried out white liquid flowing out.

"Lavi!"

Lavi followed soon after his eyes never leaving Allen's face filled with pleasure.

"Allen,"

Lavi kept Allen in his arms allowing the white haired boy to simulate everything that had happened. Allen finally turned around to face Lavi.

"I love you,"

Lavi didn't know how much he wanted to hear those words until they'd left Allen's lips. Lavi smiled softly glad to see happiness in Allen's eyes. He placed a gentle kiss on the boys forehead pulling him closer. He would keep Allen safe, he would guard his smile, he would treasure this love.

Lavi got up from the bed making sure to pull the blanket over Allen before he got dressed and went to find his gramps. He didn't have to go far once outside the door the old man stepped out.

"Have you forgotten your purpose for being here Lavi?" Bookman asked.

"No," Lavi replied. "I'm here to protect Allen,"

"Why?" Bookman demanded.

He was trying to collect the history of this event. The first ever fallen Bookman.

Lavi smiled and he knew that for once he was sure of his words.

"I won't condemn you to a life of solitude," he told Bookman before he turned back around and walked into Allen's room.

"Lavi?"

The white haired boy had begun to stir and was looking around disorientated.

"What is it?" he asked gently sitting down next to him. Allen sighed and curled up on his lap.

"Where'd you go?" he mumbled.

"I had something to take care of but go to sleep," Lavi told him gently running his hand through his hair.

"I'm not tried," Allen mused his eyes closed and words slurred.

"I'll be here Allen, just sleep," Lavi told him caressing his cheek.

"Promise?"

It was the last test. The very last one.

"I promise,"

And he passed.

Bookman was write, Lavi was naive, thinking that he could possibly succeed in being his successor. Lavi did have a heart and it belong to the white haired boy in his lap.

**Author's Note: (insert fan girl squeal) Laven overload! I had to end it like that. I just had to. So what do you think? Good, bad, go jump off a cliff bad, or okay? Well this is it for now. I may write something else but for the time being I'm heading back to the world of Ghost Hunt.**

**Rena: There you are! Come on let's go (dragging away)**

**Wait! Bye-bye, take care, I love my readers!**

**Love**

**Eclipse**


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